Everybody's Fine

For the sake of science, I'll continue blogging as I complete each project . . . this one, I started this AM, (technically yesterday AM) got distracted with other things and finished while nebbing now, in the middle of the night . . . due to a ridiculous pull towards an audience that doesn't exist, I'll capture my feelings about this film at this ridiculous time of the night . . .

I rented this movie from the Red Box outside of seven eleven on the way home from the hospital yesterday because it looked interesting on the box and I like Robert DeNiro. This is a sweet, tender tale of a fathers attempt to truly "see" his adult children for who they are after his wife passes away. It is slow but emotionally spot on with some of the challenges of growing up family . . . the ultimate message of pure parental love and acceptance rings true and made me miss my mom and dad (who are in Arizona for spring training). I wanted to find them and hug them after this movie and thank them for raising me the best they could while still discovering what it means to love an adult daughter. It also made me want to open my eyes wider while my children were still small and truly "see" and appreciate them for their individuality and strengths. The bonus side bar for this movie is a friend/acquaintance from high school (Mattie Hawkinson) made a speaking appearance as a girl in a art studio near the end - she looked familiar then when I watched the credits roll, saw her name!! Way to go sister friend - remember I came to your birthday party in the fifth grade?! I grew up watching you in talent shows and plays . . . I knew you when!? Any Hollywood perks coming my way?!
Overall, I'd recommend this film if you're looking for a touching drama - not for laughs but certainly heart warming with true sentiment and good fuzzy family feelings.

The Rehab Reviewer . . .

They say life is as fun and interesting as you make it . . . okay - I have no idea who said that or where or when but it seemed to work with my new brainiac idea . . . I am a chatter and a social bug and laying low with nothing to do for three weeks is not my cup of tea - I know, it's important and I will willingly succumb to the experience - but not without my wit . . . I've decided to declare myself the "rehab reviewer" and will provide a constant stream of non-sensical diatribe about the media that will be soaking my brain as I sit and neb and watch and read . . . soo . . . read it or not . . . take suggestions or not . . . but this small form of out letting will enable me to find purpose in this craziness . . . or just make a list of all the ridiculous things I read and watch for the next three weeks . . .

Ready or not . . . rehab here I come . . .


I've started this stint off with a dvd series on loan from my good friend (and unofficial dvd series provider) Carrie . . . it's called the Big Bang Theory and the premise is this . . . two nerds live across the apartment complex from a blonde hottie . . . they are socially inept at any conversation - especially that with an attractive young women - and let the canned laughs begin . . . it's silly - sometimes slow - but has a few one liners that have made me laugh along with the "cans" . . . on to the next . . .

Home at Last

Ahhh . . . who knew my four little walls could hold so much peace . . . I am officially home, in my bed, enjoying the fresh air out my window and the sweet sounds of my sweet girls pattering around . . . thank you so much for all the prayers and well wishes over the past seven days - I received 16 emails delivered to my hospital bed over the weekend and it was so precious . . . so I ask again . . . keep them coming . . . I have 2-3 weeks of "rehab" to do at home - no shopping, no church, no life group, no mops, no play dates, no walking excessively - just rest . . . in order to do this, I'm gonna need lots of cheerleading - lots of emails, cards, posts and texts - I'm relying on my cheerleading staff to buoy me through . . . I love each of you and my life is more complete since I've known you . . .

I am forever grateful to the staff of Providence Hospital Colby Campus - I was treated with the utmost respect and dignity - and built so many relationships - from the food service to the cleaning staff to each of the respiratory therapists and nurses who watched me, treated me and cheered for me around the clock - I am so grateful. I left via wheelchair with a huge smile in my face and alligator tears down my cheeks - the staff at Providence gave me my life back (and was there at the push of a button to refill my ice water or make me more comfortable.) To all those who serve so self-lessly day and night - you know who you are and you are appreciated . . .

BEST VISITOR EVER . . .

Today I got the most amazing gift - a two hour visit with my sweet first grader Hannah . . . I have been so lonely the last couple days (my parents are in Arizona, my in-laws have been taking care of the girls, Travis has been fighting a cold, and with blood pressure rising, they've restricted friends from coming by) . . . I've shed a few tears as I miss my people around me - I have been so blessed with lifelong friendships and support teams galore and can't describe how important the emails and texts and cards and well wishes have been but it's not the same as face time with someone you cherish . . . and I cherish Hannah. Little sister Haley was home having a nap with grandma as sitting still is not her forte but Hannah came for two hours of pure snuggling joy!!

She brought a clipboard full of paper, some pencils and some great ideas. We mapped out our family tree and she asked me lots of questions about where everyone came from, we played lots of tic tac toe, the dot game, the line game (in which someone draws a crazy line and the other person has to make something logical out of it - she had lots of creative solutions for the wacky lines I threw at her - the funniest however, was a lima bean shape she merely circled and labeled 'potato') and we concluded with a drawing lesson - her picture is on the right and she walked me through step by step how to draw this smiling baby.

Her third tooth to get wiggly is about to fall out - I tried to convince her how cool it would be to pull it out in the hospital with mommy and my nurse even brought her a special container and some gauze but she'd hear none of it - she did enjoy poking it out almost straight out front - and making me laugh . . .

She was amazed by the food service - by dialing five eights on my phone, we can order anything we want and just like Eloise in the plaza, they bring it on a covered tray and we "charge it"!! They heard my little girl was here for lunch so they included a chocolate chip cookie and brownie on the tray just for fun. Her favorite sandwich is egg salad just like her Nana's was so of course, that's what we ate . . . she also got a little cold at one point (i keep spiking fevers so have my room pretty cool) . . . she was blown away when we could merely push a button and a hot blanket would be delivered right to us and even tucked us in!!

My beautiful six and a half year old miracle baby - my heart - my sweetness - amazingly after she left and we had lots of hugs and smooches, the nurse came in and took my vitals and my blood pressure had gone back down almost to normal - the first time in three days - she said I think all that sweetness in your bed did something for you - I know it did - thank you Lord for this beautiful girl you gave me - continue to nurture her tender spirit - I know God has great plans for her life and I'm so humbled to have been given a front row seat to watch the action!!

Hospital Hotel

I have my own room now - it's like a palace with a window to the water, my own toilet and shower and sink area . . . it's awesome but this was my half of the broom closet I got to stay in for four days . . .

A great nurse named Seth . . . he is the one who finally got me my own room - he's married with babies ladies but he is fabulous . . . SOOOOO thankful for his good care today!!

My friendly food service delivery man Charles - we're buddies - he always has a smile and nice healthy food for me - if I haven't ordered yet, he checks in with me . . . we've been together since Tuesday now - nice to make friends . . .

And this is how I spend most of my days . . . although the computer is just a short sweet visitor from time to time . . . I'm always hooked up to these breathing treatments . . . they try to make me wait four hours if possible but haven't made that much - usually every two and sometimes even one . .. I have an iv hook up in my left arm and six bruises where they tried to start an iv - apparently I have superficial veins that look pretty but don't go very deep . . .

So this has been my life - and it sucks and it's hard and it's lonely but God has introduced me to the most wonderful people here and I'm sharing their lives - and He's overwhelming me with His peace and joy that surpasses all understanding . . . and I'm soooo thankful for my own room now . . . and here I sit . . . I'm not allowed to have visitors for a while as I'm on so much meds and it's making my blood pressure rise . . . I can, however, recieve emails through the hospital website (providence colby campus room 425) . . .they print them out and bring them to me and it's SOOO encouraging . . .

I am grateful to all of you who are praying for us and loving us and rooting us on . . . we never imagined life might look like this - but I'd never trade it for the world - I know my husband loves me in the most selfless better/worse vow type of ways - and I know my girls are the most beautiful things on the planet (they came today really quick to tape some pictures up on my wall . . . and they smell sooooo good!!) and I know God loves me and has a plan in all of this . . .
I'll do this another year if I have to . . . because God is good and life is worth it . . .

Just Breath . . .

Okay - so, still asthmatic, still nebbing too much and still on lots of medication. . . that part is frustrating . . . on the positive side, I have a lot of time to sit . . . and sit. . . and think . . . and focus on breathing . . . and sit. This got very frustrating very quickly (and if you've known me at all - even in small doses - I don't like to sit long) . . . God has given me a gift this week of what sitting and breathing can be though - it's a miracle . . . it's a gift . . . and I'm noticing little things - like how slow but incredible plants grow from seed (what a miracle) and how the wind changes the look of the same tree in thousands of different possibilities in a short period of time (what a miracle) and how smart my kids are when they are challenged to think on their own (Travis is playing a dice math game with Hannah and she is rising to the occasion) and how inticate our bodies were woven together to do what they do without us telling them what to do . . .

And I promise this asthma bout is not turning me into a beatnick poet . . . and I promise I will not blog about each of my musings as they come - it'd be waaay over sharing . . but I will post a few pictures from a photo shoot with had a few weekends ago with Jamie Smith of Focal Point Photography that I have been enjoying looking at - focusing on the joy of just breathing . . . no matter the struggle - each breath is a gift and I wouldn't want to trade a single one . . .

To Neb or not to Neb . . .

In case you have never met me or you have not spoken to me in the last two years, I have Asthma . . . and it's gotten worse as I have gotten older. To make a two year story fit in one sentence, it was discovered last year that I had some upper esophageal issues (Travis said my upper sphincter didn't sphinct) which led us to a Nissen Fundoplication surgery in August (look it up if you want some lovely photos) which was, in theory, going to help improve my asthma quite a bit . . . which it did . . . for a while . . . A few weekends ago, during our church's women's retreat, I had an "asthma flareup" . . . it was discouraging and frustrating and lead me back to my old friend the nebulizer . . . I got through that weekend, did pretty well for a while, then got to this week . . . you guessed it, more asthma joy . . . and more nebulizer treatments . . .

In case you have never heard of such a thing, I'll offer you a pathetic and "karla-ized" version of what it is with pictorial graphs to illustrate my points . . . it's a few pieces of plastic tubing that hook into a little motor that makes really loud sounds and allows you to breathe in large quantities of asthma medication over a short period of time . . .

It's really quite brilliant in theory and I'm sure someone is making bank off this "wacky" idea they pitched and patented years ago . . . and if I'm being truly honest, it has saved my life and prevented many a hospital visits . . . HOWEVER, after inhaling such large quantities of asthma medication in such a short amount of time, you feel as though you've had 49 cups of coffee (with no creamer), ran a marathon and lost, thought a box of speed was m&ms and ate them all (ok - I don't know how speed comes?!), got punched in the chest and are full of the shakes . . . does that paint a clear enough picture? To which leads me to the title question . . . do I pull out the nebulizer ensuring breath and the ability to make it through the night yet suffer the aforementioned consequences or not?! Obviously, I make the correct intellectual choice and choose to breath . . . yet can't help, after the treatment, feel a rising sense of frustration and the need to type my ramblings ridiculously fast (due to the shakes) and share this portion of my life with you . . .



On the bright side - at least I don't look like this guy . . .




And now, filled with a sense of gratitude that Travis doesn't have to zip my head into a bag to feel better, I'll go back to the nebulizer . . . nebs for dogs?! Who knew?!