One Year Ago

On April 22nd 2011 I hit a wall. I was just released from the hospital for the who-knows-how-many-times for an asthma flare. I was on 80 mg of prednisone (the best and worst drug there is and close to the highest dose you can have out of the hospital) of which I'd had a million side effects from. I met with my pulmo doctor and asked, "Is this it? Is this my life now?" . . . I had been taking every medicine there was, even traveled to Denver to visit the number one pulmo hospital in the country. She looked at me and sympathetically and said, "I'm sorry." I had reached an all time low. I was beat down, sick, and sick of being sick.

I didn't like where I was at and yet had absolutely no control over my body. I couldn't stop the flare ups, I couldn't stop the side effects and I didn't want to live like that. I allowed myself a week long pity party and felt a nudge saying "get up" . . . "seriously, get up!" . . . and I got up. I did some research and made a choice. I spend hundreds of dollars on medicine and doctors. I could make an effort to spend money and time on what food went into my body. A common side-effect of prednisone is weight gain and I had gained 100 pounds in three years. Yuck. There wasn't a lot I could do about it at the time - my options were, side-effects or breath. I went with breathing. But I also knew that part of the weight gain was from becoming apathetic about everything. It didn't matter what I did, I still got sick so why worry about what I did? And a vicious cycle began of flare-up, hospital, more drugs, more weight, less energy . . . rinse and repeat. I wanted off . . . I wanted some control and some hope and some attempt to make my body as healthy as possible. My rationale was, if my body was in the best shape it could be in, then when the next flare up came (which it will - chronic diseases are just that - chronic - not temporary - no cure), I'd be in the best position possible to overcome it. And so it began . . . I wrote down every bite I ate and counted calories to stay within the same amount everyday. Some research I did said that when you have a chronic condition, your body is in an ongoing roller coaster. Keeping the same amount of calories everyday allows one constant for the body to count on and help with stability. And I got rid of sugar . . . and I got rid of unhealthy carbs . . . not rocket science . . . not dieting . . . just an intentional healthy eating plan . . .

One year later . . . On April 22, 2012 . . .

I have lost 70 pounds . . . I have reduced my prednisone prescription from 80mg to 2mg . . . I have energy . . . I feel healthy . . . I am able to walk my kids home from school . . . things I NEVER thought I could EVER do again . . . by family and friend support, intentional eating and prayer, God has worked a miracle in my life. I have not been back in the hospital since that last April (an unheard of record of time for me over the past four or five years), I have experienced very little asthma flares, and most importantly, I have hope - that I can be an active outside mom again - that I can be a fun wife again - that I can travel without worrying about how close the hospital is to our destination - that I can leave my bubble of air filters, and nebulizers - that I can make goals and dreams and plans for the future - that there is a future for me . . . and it looks bright!

SEW proud

My mom made a trip our way this weekend in an effort to teach me how to sew. I guess a million years ago, I made a bean bag or two but the retention was terrible. I received a beautiful sewing machine a few years ago for my birthday and it's sat in its box for to long . . . let the sewing begin!

And I did it!! I really sewed all by myself! My mom made a beautiful window seat for Hannah and set of curtains with a sheer curtain in front. She LOVES it and feels like she has a secret hide out now.

I had no idea I would have as much fun as I did. It was a wonderful time with my mom . . .  and amazing to see what I could create with a few days of ironing, cutting, trouble shooting, sewing and hanging. I can't wait for the next project to come . . . Travis . . .do you need any new underwear?

Beautiful April Day Book

Outside my window...
The Sun - the Sun - the beautiful Sun. We have had the weirdest weather this year. There has been rain, hail, crazy wind, beautiful sun, warmth, cold and everything in between (and that was just this week!!)

I am thankful for...
Our beautiful home . . . it is so restful and peaceful. The dining room is surrounded with windows so having them all open on a day like today is so recharging.

I am thinking about...
Nothing . . . and it's quite blissful. My thoughts sometimes take over my head and I'm running to do lists, conversations, schedules and it's exhausting. To sit in quiet and enjoy the moment is . . . well blissful!

From the kitchen...
A messy pot from mac and cheese. Haley's favorite . . . enough said.

I am creating . . .
Memories with my kids. I am so much better at spontaneous adventures after going through such a long period of hibernating. It's sunny outside? We're walking to school at the last minute. We want some new books? Off to the library we go. We want a crazy fun snack? Belt sushi is just around the corner. We read a story that has a recipe in the back . . . sounds like fun? Let's go to the store to get supplies and make it. I'm not always perfect (but I've long since let that word go - at least I try) . . . but life is so much more fun when you focus on making memories instead of making check lists.

I am working on...
More drool time. It sounds crazy but was given to me as advice. A wise woman said, "what do you do that totally puts everything on the shelf?" I came up with some lame answers and she responded by saying, "You need to schedule in time during your day when you do nothing - take a walk (even in the rain), read a book, take a bath . . . and don't feel bad about it. You need to shut down your head sometimes. And everybody wins when mom has recharged."

I am going...
To pick up a chair this afternoon that I thought was un-fixable. When we were married we were passed down a beautiful Ethan Allen dining room table and 6 chairs from Travis' Nana and Poppa. We could never have afforded such a lovely set. One of the two arm chairs lost it's arm a little while ago and I thought it was destined for the dump. Nope. There are people who restore furniture for a living and I can't wait to welcome the missing chair back home that's had a makeover and will be good as new.

I am hoping...
That the sun continues. I forgot how much I missed it . . . and how much fun we can have playing in it.

I am reading...
Winnie the Pooh with Haley
A Horse and His Boy with Hannah (book three in the Narnia series)
Just finished Memoirs of a Geisha
And am almost done with a book in which a girl goes back in time and discovers the underground railroad (can't remember the name and usually not one for "back in time" books but the premise is interesting)

I am praying for...
My husband's elbow - he did something at work that tweaked it out and now he has to go through physical therapy and nightly icing (not frosting - ice packs) . . . no fun . . . and right when his back and neck are starting to feel better from the accident . . . oh our bodies - messes I tell ya.
 
I am hearing...
Two little buddies running in the backyard. I have the privilege to watch a friends little guys on Fridays. The six month old is peacefully sleeping while Haley and the almost four year old run around the back yard playing with "life savers" (or light sabers - whatever . . . ) The Fridays that Haley is home just make his day - they are two peas in a pod.

Around the house...
I finally caught up on filing!! I haven't done it for a loooong time (it'd be embarrassing to say how long) and dumped it all in two boxes as we were moving hoping the sorting fairy would show up and make it all disappear. No such luck so I got my tushy down to the garage and spent a few hours on the job but yeah! It looks and feels so much better. New mail comes into the house, pay the bills, then file it! Never again do I want more than a years worth of filing dumped in a box!

One of my favorite things...
Listening to my girls laugh. They are such wonderful friends (most of the time) and they can make each other laugh like no one else can. It cracks me up and puts a smile on my face!

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

This is Haley hanging out in my dryer for whatever reason . . . I have no idea why . . . a little over a year ago . . . and here's what I found yesterday . . .

She's a riot . . . always keeps me on my toes and always cracks me up

Easter

We had a fantastic Easter this year. Starting with basket surprises for the girls, an incredible church service and ending with a wonderful time with family eating, egg finding and lots of laughing.

He is risen . . . He is risen indeed.

Oregon Coast

The Marsh family took a much needed respite over spring break on the beautiful Oregon coast. The weather predicted was stormy rain . . . instead we were blessed with stretches of amazing sunshine. We didn't waste a single moment. We found a used book store and each chose new books, ate chowder at Mo's (best chowder on the coast), found a fun place called Pirates Cove to explore, ate fish and chips, played in the waves, flew kites, visited the Tillamook cheese factory and filled all our tanks with sunshine, laughter and new memories. No picture could capture the fun we had but here's a few to try.

Full of Talent

My darling oldest daughter Hannah decided she wanted to try out for the school talent show. It blew us away. Not that she is not talented - she amazes me with how fast she is picking up the piano and how wonderful she plays. But because my little tiny girl who hid behind me in play dates, wanted to step in front of a theater full of people all by herself and share her talent.

Of course, we said yes. Together, we spent time after school auditioning. Then, we spent more time at a dress rehearsal. And then, at last, the big night came. She was thrilled that I spent some time curling her hair and putting on a bit of make up. She is growing into such a beautiful young lady.

She played her recital song from last summer as she didn't have time to fully prepare anything else . . . and she played it perfectly without one little misstep. (I'll try to figure out how to put a link of the video here?!) It's incredible to watch our little ones grow up right before our eyes.

To my beautiful little girl Hannah, I am thankful everyday that you are my daughter. You have so much poise, grace, gentleness and faith. It is an honor to be your mom and I adore you. I am so proud of you for sharing your God-given talent with those around you. Keep following His path . . . He has an amazing plan for your life!

Wonderful Girls

I don't love mornings. Duh . . my hubby would say. But it's the truth. (Can I blame genetics as my mom doesn't like mornings either?) Anyway . . . back to my story. I don't love mornings but I have vowed to be up with the girls every morning fixing breakfast, fixing their hair, giving minor clothes advice (I want them to be their very own self but there has to be a tiny bit of persuasion sometimes) and driving them to school.

Most mornings we're good. Some mornings we're frazzled. Sometimes we're early. Sometimes we're barley on time. Sometimes I make pancakes. Sometimes we're grabbing granola bars on our way out. And now that they are older, it's been very helpful that they can get started on toast or whatnot. (Although even making toast can turn into a pair of bicker-sons that erase any helpfulness the toast making was.)

This morning, however, was my very favorite at all time. Without me knowing it, the girls got themselves up, got dressed without suggestions, Hannah practiced her piano, they made breakfast for themselves and each other and woke me up like this . . .

There are many days that are so exhausting. Times when I am sick of dishes, sick of laundry and sick of cooking. There are times when I don't feel like anyone listens to me. (Haven't I been teaching manners for the past 8 years?) There are times when I can't wait for bedtime so I can sit down and breath. But this morning, I was speechless, overwhelmed and so grateful. They were so selfless, caring and thoughtful. I had such an incredible day and felt so blessed to be a momma. There are surprise moments like today that put the dailies in perspective and make it all worth it.