Transitions . . .

Today I went, with my mom and my two sweet daughters, to Hannah's open house . . . for SECOND GRADE!! When did this happen? When did I have a second grader? (Ok - I retract that dumb question - I had an infant that has grown into a second grader.)

She was filled with excitement to pick her cubby, find her desk, reunite with friends and show us all around.

As a family, we have recently experienced more transitions than I can count . . . and they continue. Recently, I stepped down from my MOPS leadership position. It was the right decision for my health and for my family but not an easy one to make . . . and one I still don't know how it will play out in the months to come.

I'm starting to realize that in life, we have no idea what is coming down the turnpike for us. Occasionally we can foresee how our decisions or actions may play out (ex: say yes to an engagement - get married) . . . but mostly, we're just along for the ride . . . the path gets bumpy and we are forced to buckle our seat belts a little tighter - sometimes we are surprised with unexpected and welcome blessings (like a friend who is pregnant with her fifth baby and just found out it's finally a little girl in the oven!) and sometimes we aren't prepared for the next chapter (like a family member who was recently diagnosed with cancer out of the blue) . . . but no matter how many amusement park analogies we through at it, life is coming . . . ready or not.

So . . . this week, the Marsh family is on to second grade, on to start another year of coaching and teaching, on to our last year home as a 'preschooler' and on to doctors appointments and breathing treatments. We're unsure how each role will play out . . . but we're in it together . . .  Happy September . . .

ERs and Doctors and Drugs . . . OH MY!!

I feel a little bit like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz . . . the spinning house, the crazy land, the desire to go home . . . I had another visit to the ER this week as my current bout of asthma continues to worsen and Doctors just keep passing me around. (We're on day 31 for anyone keeping track at home - my longest flare up was 32 days long - about to pass the record!) So, my house flew to ER and landed on a hospital bed. My sweet friend Carrie chauffeured me the my favorite "spa and resort" to be shuffled around, doctored and administered more drugs . . . YIPPEE. After five hours or so, I clicked my hospital issued socks (why do they have traction on both sides?! Things that make you go hmmmm) and said "there's no place like home" and what do you know? Home sweet home. I don't like hospitals and I'm not a fan of the "wicked nurses of the west" (although some are very kind!!) but I do want to get well and I'll keep fighting until that happens. In the next three weeks I have boatloads of doctors appointments . . . yippee!! But in the middle of the tornado, stands my beautiful family full of love and support and laughter and tears. And friends continue to pop out of flowers and nests (like little munchkins) to deliver laughter through cards and emails, food for the family, house cleaning help, even sweet books for my sweet girls to enjoy . . . I'll keep following the Yellow Brick Road surrounded by my friends and family who remind me to have "courage, heart and brains" in this adventure.

Movie Escape

Last night I went to see Eat, Pray, Love with a dear sweet friend (who loaned me the book this summer). I enjoyed the book but I adored the movie - no joke - I laughed, I cried and was amazed by the scenery and visual feast of each country.

I have always loved movies - but since my life has narrowed into a virtual vortex of nebbing, the escapism of a movie is a welcome treat. There were so many quotes I wanted to remember to share with you (my blogging community - of which I am so thankful for the encouragement, comments and emails I have received in response), but after a movie full of interesting and thoughtful lines, I gave up on the memorizing and sat back to enjoy the show.

I do recall one moment that made me teary - Julia Roberts said, "I'm not looking for easy - just less hard." I couldn't have phrased it better myself. I know life is hard - that's the reality of it . . . there will always be misunderstandings, bills, frustrations, disappointments - but I want to be taken off the bench and put back into the game . . . I'm tired of sitting and nebbing . . . and just when I think the asthma is turning a corner, I wake up this morning with no voice again and the lowest peak flow reading I've had in weeks . . . AHHHHHH!! (Okay - that's me yelling with no voice as I sit, type and neb).

In conclusion, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually enjoyed the movie more than the book. As beautiful as the authors words were, the movie was even richer . . . now I'm off to put on my "big lady pants" . . . (now you have to go see it to get the joke!!)

Side Effects and Sympathy

In case you have never taken Prednisone, let me educate you . . . it sucks. One website calls it "the best and worst drug there is." It is a last resort and only resort for a lot of conditions - asthma being one. Among a host of other things, prednisone causes weight gain, moon face, irritability and leg cramps. The side effects I have experienced over the last three years of the prednisone roller coaster are to many to count . . . and the amount of medication I have had to take to help lower the side effects are also too many . . . if you want the whole story someday, bring me a McDonald's caramel frappe and come on over!!

Yet, because of this experience, I have a new found sympathy and empathy for those who suffer and have suffered physical and mental conditions outside of their control. At the library this week I was drawn to a book called Mind Race (some of what I feel on prednisone). It was the story of a teenager who dealt with a gamut of issues. I felt myself in some of the pages . . . and felt for someone else on the others.

One section in particular, in reference to his friends during times of struggle spoke to my heart. He says, "when you treat me responsibly, you help me stay healthy. you are my sounding board . . . I turn to you when others flee . . . when I don't like myself and am carrying a ton of guilt. When I can't remember the laughs and love, you are there to remind me how funny I am and that what I'm feeling is only temporary. You remind me that I am not my illness . . . I wouldn't trade 20 ordinary friends for the kinds of friends I've had during my most difficult times. . . I can rely on them to help me ride out the storm."

Thank you to those incredible friends in my life. I don't want to call you out by name but you know who you are. You've visited me in the hospital. You've sent funny cards. You've cried with me. You've listened to my rants. You've made me laugh when I forgot how. You've picked me up when I've been down. You've been a source of strength but haven't been afraid to show your weakness. You've read my blog and told me how much you enjoy it (whether or not you do - thanks for noticing) You've sat and played Skipbo for hours to tell me about your life and listen to mine. You've brought me m&ms or slurpees just to hang out for as long or as little as I can stand it. You've texted me funny jokes while nebbing. You've made this journey worth experiencing even when that feels like the last thing I wanted to do. Thank you my friends . . . and it's true - the friends you have through the trenches of life are ever lasting - and worth more than 20 friends!!

The Glad Game

Travis is out with a friend today who lives in Oregon and doesn't often come to the area. They started the day with a game of golf and plan on having dinner together and hanging out. I am thrilled for him but this will be one of the first full day mothering alone since my discharge from the hospital. If I am being totally honest, I was nervous. I have relied so heavily on Travis and his strength and parenting and cooking and help . . . but happy he had a day to recharge his much depleted batteries.

So . . . that left the girls and I to our own devices today. I attempted to start the day with a positive attitude and though we've had rocky moments and minor arguments that have needed negotiation, overall we're doing quite well.

Earlier in the week, we went to the library as a family as we all like to read and picked up a few family movies as well. Today we decided to watch Pollyanna . . . the sweet Disney film about a young orphan brought to a small town to live with her wealthy and detached Aunt Polly. I remember this being one of my favorites as a girl and it was so fun watching it through the eyes of my daughters - experiencing it almost as the first time. Through her positive attitude, kindness and friendship of those around her Pollyanna transforms the whole town. Since I was little, I have been an optimist - glass half full kind of girl . . . I have noticed of late however, that real life, chronic illness, bills out my ears, appointments etc. have dissipated my eternal optimistic point of view. The movie today reminded me of just how many things I have to be glad about and I thought I'd share a few . . .

1. For the reassurance of a God who loves me, created me, and will never leave me to face anything alone.

2. For a husband who lives out our wedding vows everyday.

3. For two beautiful daughters who are healthy and sweet and incredibly adaptable.

4. For a network of friends who love me in spite of myself.

5. For parents who are willing to jump in the ring with us.

6. For in-laws who love and treat me like their own.

7. For surprise and random cards of encouragement that show up in my mail box.

8. For text messaging that allows me to communicate during a neb treatment.

9. For DVR that allows me to fast forward all the annoying commercials (ok - not as important as the previous but still makes me happy!!!)

10. For a big cup of coffee in the AM with vanilla creamer

11. For an old friend that introduced me to blogging, continues to send her love and encouragement and even mentions me in her blog . . . I feel almost famous!!

12. For the talent to crochet blankets and scarves and bags and hats giving me something to do and accomplish and give as gifts

13. For my elementary school teachers and parents who fostered a love of reading . . . what would I do without books?

14. For a meal delivered by good friends for no reason or prompting except that they were thinking of us (grubbin food Peter!!!)

15. For family pictures to look at and retell the story of and remember great days and incredible memories . .

I could go on all day - which is an incredible statement to make when the last few weeks have felt pretty crummy and I've gotten stuck in the stress wheel . . . I'm realizing as I type the need to raise my head up and focus on the good things . . . there are so many things to be thankful for - and not in a hokey pokey "look at the bright side - there's a reason for everything" - because sometimes the hand you are dealt just stinks - but honest to goodness look around you and be thankful. Note to self (and anyone listening out there) - be glad - it's contagious and sure makes you feel better about the day.

Now I'm off to attempt to rebuild my culinary skills starting with gourmet Kraft macaroni and cheese . . . have to begin somewhere right?!

Making a Memory

Yesterday we put aside the doctors and the medicine and the stress and went to the movie. We took our girls to see Nanny McPhee Returns. Aside from the sticker shock of paying for the whole family to see a show, it was an incredible experience.

We loved the original movie and were thrilled to see the trailer for a new one. Aside from a silly belching bird, there was nothing rude or offensive or over the top (in my opinion). We laughed outloud, ate popcorn and had a great time. . . take your family to see this silly, adorable movie and make a memory - for us we couldn't put a price tag on family fun.

One more thing . . .

I forgot to mention the wonderful surprise of a card and a bag of peanut butter m&m's on my porch when I got home from Doctors today . . . a sweet friend of mine knows the true meaning of life - that sometimes the only thing you need is some grubbin chocolate!!