Friday, April 18, 2014

Good Morning Blog-o-Shpere

Its Friday and I've hit the 8 day mark at the hospital. No one imagined last Thursday when I was admitted that I'd even stay through the weekend and yet here I am. I'm not gonna lie - this has been a hard road. There have been many walls I've run into emotionally and physically. There has been much frustration taking scores of medications and not seeing results and even experiencing set backs. There have been some good laughs - like when I learned of the well meaning elder at our church who prayed in front of the congregation for my waking up from my coma. There have been some new relationships formed - like the nighttime Respiratory Therapist from Minnesota who sounded just like my Uncle Rich and labeled my lungs as "tubular" when he couldn't find a more appropriate description. Or the 50 year old day time RT who just started online dating after being divorced for 8 years and became my walking People magazine with her funny updates and experiences. There is the difficulty of being away from my kids for so long but the joy when I hear their little voices coming around the curtain when they are able to stop by. Curling up with them on this little bed - feeling their warmth - listening to their perfect little breaths . . . priceless. There have been precious moments in our marriage when my husband sends me the perfect quote of the day then later comes around the corner with a slurpee (feels sooo good on my throat!) just to sit and hold my hand for a while. We have been given the gift to really look at what hard life and hard love looks like and make the choice to engage in our vows so realistically and fully. There is a side table full of cards that crack me up and pick me up and make me adore my friends even more if it's possible.

The last couple days, the phrase "patient endurance" has been coming up in my mind quite frequently. I began to compare it to a marathon runner and then stopped myself. Not only because the idea of comparing myself anywhere near to a runner of any kind right now is hilariously laughable, but also the "patient" piece of the mantra is not an action word in my mind. In my mind, in this case, it is an intentional choice to wait. I am not a patient waiter. And it is such a fine art to be intentional about waiting. It is almost counter productive. I know that I am in no control and it's good to know what you know. I know I have no power over my body to heal itself. It will do what it's going to do when it's going to do it. The only control or choice I have is how I respond in the meantime. The second half of this phrase is where the marathon comparison comes in. In order to withstand anything worth while in this life, you must have endurance. If you've ever had a baby, you know this all to well. But it doesn't just have to be giving birth - it's getting through the long line at the grocery store, it's counting down the days till you finally get to leave for vacation, it's squeaking through on a tight monthly budget till that next pay check clears - all of it takes endurance to do it well. And endurance is a verb which will be replaced for you if you don't grab a hold. Suffer, scrap by, and withstand could be other describers. Endurance sounds so much more powerful and strong. I am continually looking for ways in which I can withstand and survive this experience without just "getting through" or "scraping the bottom of the barrel" so today, I want to focus on "intentionally resting with strength."

Speaking of strength, I want to brag about my sister for a minute because I adore her and she's amazing. Two weeks ago she gave birth in Seattle to an almost 11 pound baby. The meds they gave her for the c-section made her puke her little brains out for hours, the baby had to have a few tests so he was swooped to NICU with Melissa barely able to glimpse at his foot, she is type one diabetic so she had to balance her own health all the while desperately aching to hold her precious new bundle. Today, two weeks later, she is home, looking gorgeous, and taking care of one of the cutest little baby boys I have ever seen. She's smiling through sleepless nights and the joy that exudes from her when she talks is evident to anyone in ear shot. I am so proud of her and amazed by her and crazy about her. I can't begin to describe how precious it has been to receive my daily baby picture text from her. It never fails to make me smile and cheer my heart. Melissa - you're a rock star and I can't wait to love on that baby!!

A Little Wave for His Auntie

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