Monday Morning Hospital Day Book

Outside my window...
The most beautiful view around. It is so healing and therapeutic to look out and see the mountains and the water and the beautiful shining sun. I'm staying in the new wing of the hospital so I have a private room and a huge half a wall size window to my right . . . gorgeous.

I am thankful for..
Text messaging. I get too short of breath for phone calls and visitors but through texting (and email and Facebook) I am able to keep people updated as well as have fun conversations back and forth.

I am thinking about...

Rest. I don't think our culture values the importance of rest. We are constantly striving for the next best thing and putting all our energy into checking things off our to do lists. This forced period of rest allows me nothing else but that. And it is so restorative and crucial to healing both physically and mentally. Why do I have to get forcefully sat down to realize these things?

Learning all the time...  
To breathe. I'm not being sarcastic. I mean really learning to breathe. To stop, fill my lungs completely all the way to the bottom and exhale all the way out. It's incredible when it's difficult to complete this simple task we never think of, just how much you can learn from it. It must be what people get from yoga or meditating. It's an inward peace and re-centering. It's literally life giving. And it's important.

From the kitchen...
Lots of hospital food. Enough said. (Although when my mom came to visit yesterday, she filled my bedside table with goodies - trail mix, apples and of course, peanut m&ms!)

I am creating . . .
A new blanket for Hannah. Travis took both girls to pick out some yarn they'd like blankets out of. I chose a number between 1 and 20 . . . I chose 17 . . . Hannah said 16 so I started on hers first. She chose the Arlington High School colors (which are the same as my alma matar colors!) and have begun. I'm doing four rows of each color alternating a double then single crochet stitch for each of the colors. It's taking me a lot longer as each color change requires knotting and tying off but I suppose it's ok to have a project that lasts me longer then a day!

I am working on...
Finding joy in EVERY moment. THIS is the day that the Lord has made. It is so easy in this situation to just wait until . . . until I get out of this hospital . . . until I get off meds . . . until my doctors gets back from vacation . . . until until until. I am working on finding what's here right now because right now is all I have and I'd miss a lot of great life if I don't. Yesterday the girls came to visit and had me laughing harder than I had in months!! If I'm waiting to get out of here before I enjoy my kids and their silly antics, Id miss much joy. I'm itching to hold both new babies born last week in our family. I could sit here and wallow OR I could find much joy in the daily pictures my sister is sending me and stories I'm hearing. I don't want to miss the joy in EVERY moment . . . so I'm going to keep working on that!

I am going...
No where fast. Unless and until I can make it four hours or more without desperately needing a breathing  treatment and I can walk up and down the halls a bit, here I sit receiving steroid IV's every six hours. It's a fragile line to walk right now. Going home too early poses a great risk of relapse and having to bounce right back in here would stink a whole lot more than staying put for a little while. (See above 'what I'm thinking about')

I am hoping...
My family is able to stay strong throughout this difficult transitional time. In some strange way, I have the easy role in this. My only job is to be here getting well and allowing the doctors, nurses and medications to do their thing. My family on the other hand (especially my incredibly strong husband) have to live out "regular" life balancing school pick up, drop off, work, piano, homework, housework etc. while simultaneously having their mom/wife out of the picture and wanting to squeeze in a visit. Lord give them the strength!

I am reading...
Seven Sacred Pauses by Macrina Wiederkehr. I learned of this book after reading Seven by Jen Hatmaker. It is already incredible, I'm already in love and can't wait to put into practice this intentional effort to re-center and focus on what's important. On page two she says, "No matter what you are doing, you can pause to touch the grace of the hour." And on page seventeen she says, "Practice waking up seven times a day." I'm in this forced place of rest and my life is very much focused on the hours of the day. I'm really looking forward to using those as best as I possibly can.

I am praying for...
Myself. That's a difficult thing to write and I don't know why I am feeling selfish about it. God asks us to come to Him with all things and lay it at his feet. I am coming and laying myself down. It is only with His healing hand that I will get well. And it is only with His peace that passes all understanding that I will truly be able to settle into this phase of life I am in right now.

I am hearing...
Medical carts being pushed up and down the halls, telephone rings at the nurses station, pages for emergency medical teams over the intercom, and the Golden Girls theme song as loud as the hospital TV allows. My next door neighbor is a 96 year old insomniac who watches old re-runs all hours of the day and night. Ironically, as it's not the obnoxious new shows, it's almost endearing to think of my sweet little granny and all her flashback shows.

Around the house...
I have no idea . . . it's all the nooks and crannies that I love. It's my comfortable rocking chair I've had since I was pregnant with Hannah. It's scores of pictures all over the walls and on the shelves. It's my bed and my pillow and my cozy heated blanket. It's my sunny kitchen with plants on the shelves and a great view of my jumbo back yard. It's the new deck with the new grill just waiting for the first BBQ of the season. Most of all, it's filled with love of a family I adore and I can't wait to regain my strength to rejoin that place of sanctuary I love so much! And I'm realizing my perspective - this would probably be a box I'd be filling with the shortcomings or chores I saw that needed to be done. Instead, I am seeing and focusing on all the precious and comforting things that made that square house made of wood into a home.

One of my favorite things...
Crochet. It is so therapeutic for me. It gives my shaky idle hands something to do and gives me an incredible sense of accomplishment to see something take place right in front of my eyes. I love to share what I've made with others - be it an afghan for my sister's new baby, an infinity scarf for my mom or even a sweater for my grandma (I know - I figured out how to make a sweater!) - it brings me joy to share a project I've spent time and attention to create.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

The girls are spending the mornings before school with one of our most precious family friends. They have three boys so Momma Bri is enjoying the opportunity to play beauty shop - and our girls are going to be the cutest they've been all year at school! They don't sit that still for me to do such cute things!! 


So that's it. My Monday morning musings as I sit in the hospital bed truly allowing myself to rest. It is bizarre how something that would seem so tragic can actually become quite a gift. May your Monday be filled with little moments of joy that you'd not be to busy to overlook. 

My Hospital Room View